I don’t know where to begin this post so I will began by explaining why this post is even happening right now. Sometimes, given the online job I have and the social media pressure… it is difficult to speak on things. And that leaves a lot of things unspoken or up in the air. I think that I always feel the need to always do the right thing because it is simply how I was raised. When people wrong me, Turn the other cheek… when someone betrays me, be the better person and walk away… when someone takes advantage of me… see it as a lesson learned and hope that whatever that person got from me was truly necessary for them.
My entire life I have held in feelings and anger when I feel used, broken, or betrayed. That has led to a lot of different conclusions.. such as people thinking I must be heartless…or cold… or simply don’t have feelings. OR this is my favorite one… people thinking I am shady for venting to the one friend I thought I could trust. We all have feelings, and a lot of them. And not everyone listening is going to listen without judgement or without adding their two scents… BUT when it comes down to it… they will 100% tell someone esle what you said, but never what they say. That’s why I always make sure I tell someone what I said before telling them what someone esle said about them. AND If I was wrong I apologize and take accountability. However, this has taken many mistakes and misunderstandings to learn to do.
I always see a lot that I never speak on… that being people who just use me, or try to be my friend for gain… or manipulate me. I also see a lot of unhealthy toxic personalities, and other people who do not see it and continue to be around the unhealthy energy. I am naturally a protective person so my first instinct is to protect people. I have to remind myself that people truly attract what they think and feel and if they are tangled up in those energies its probably because they have the same energy or lack understanding for what is wrong for them. And take it from me, sometimes you end up the bad guy for warning them. And we are back to why I just remain HUSH.
I guess the entire point of this post is to say that in the midst of holding so much in to be the better person…you damage yourself. Maybe, Just Maybe its better to choose yourself and stop choosing everyone else. That is why I now unapologetically let go of people who cross my boundaires… why I no longer beg or ask people to respect them. And you shoulnd’t either. This is also why I stopped trying to protect other people. Because I CHOOSE ME FOR ONCE.
Hope you enjoyed a little insight into my mind… idk If I will keep posting these posts because they’re not so happy, pink, and positive lol. but that was just something I needed to releaste from my mind tonight. and as I finish typing this post.. I already feel a weight lifted. So if you read this THANK YOU.